| the movies, and events around town. Maria, a Salvadorian girl would scold me
and lift my spirits up about how relationships weren’t always all that. I kept going
to the gym, and the guys there were like family. We worked out, and sometimes
commiserated. I practiced and taught kick boxing at the University Kung Fu club,
and they too were like family. They all helped me keep some semblance of sanity
in a world that was steadily dulling, and dying in monotony.
I kept my mind active, reading books about lost cities and cultures, and ancient,
strange mysteries. I spent many Sunday evenings in the tea shop in Harvard Square,
reading magazines. But it wasn’t enough. The year 2000 was wrapping up, and it
was the end of the Millennium. I knew something wasn’t right with me. Intuitively,
something inside of me was screaming to emerge, but I couldn’t figure out what it
was.
Everyday, I read reports about earthquakes, global warming, and solar system
events. It felt like everything was building up to something unprecedented. Each
day, there was another earthquake in an odd place off the US Geological Survey,
or a new climate temperature record being set. As I continued my daily life, I tried
to ignore the feeling. I tried to ignore the feeling that inside of me was another
being, struggling to emerge. I closed myself off inside with walls of rationality,
skepticism, and logic. I shielded myself in my ignorance, but the feelings couldn’t
be denied.
Everyday, they grew stronger, and they entwined my heart and gut. I couldn’t
escape it, and I threw myself into more activities to get away from it. I did ballroom
dance, Argentine tango, went to nude drawing classes, rode with friends into
the woods, and climbed rock walls with Aleks, an Olympic class rower who I befriended
in engineering. I dated more women, and read trashy novels, but to no
avail. Whatever it was, it wouldn’t be ignored. It was emerging, and I couldn’t do
anything about it.
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